


I Needed to Say Goodbye

by a_cumberbatch



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Captain America Sam Wilson, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Time Travel, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, post time travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 10:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21097691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_cumberbatch/pseuds/a_cumberbatch
Summary: The fight is over. Steve is going off on a dangerous trip through time and space to return all the infinity stones. And Bucky has never felt so alone because he knows he's losing him for good this time.





	I Needed to Say Goodbye

_Everybody wants a happy ending, right?_

* * *

Bucky stood away from the rest of the group. Sam and Bruce were trying to find a way to send Steve back in time. Just a quick trip. Nothing to worry about. In and out of each timeline to return the infinity stones. No time would even pass for the rest of them.

But Bucky had a bad feeling about the whole thing. He couldn't actively help send Steve back in time because he didn't agree with any of this. Because he couldn't lose him. Not after Natasha. That was supposed to be an in and out trip too, but Natasha... He came back after what everyone was now calling the Blip to find five years had passed and one of his best friends had given her life to bring him back. And now they want to send Steve back to the same place. But just because he didn't agree with this didn't mean he was going to let Steve go without seeing him off.

"Remember, you have to return the stones to the exact moment you got them," Bruce was saying. Bucky could barely register the words, though. He could only stare at this new Hulk/Bruce hybrid that was operating the literal time machine in front of them. Man, Bucky loved the future. "Or you're gonna open up a bunch of nasty alternative realities."

"Don't worry, Bruce," Steve said with too much confidence. "Clip all the branches."

Bucky looked down at his feet, hands in his pockets. He didn't want to listen to this anymore. He didn't want to hear about the logistics or Steve wanting to go alone. He didn't want to be here to send him off. The fight was over. They could live their lives now, away from the wars and the aliens who wanted to rule the cosmos. They could stay in Wakanda where Bucky had felt like himself for the first time in so long. They could go back to Brooklyn and get an apartment like it was the 40s again. Before the war, the draft. Before Captain America and the Winter Soldier. They could go back to being Steve and Bucky. And maybe Bucky could finally tell Steve after all these years.

* * *

_But it doesn't always roll that way._

* * *

Steve started walking to Bucky, who was still in a daze of the what-ifs. "Don't do anything stupid 'till I get back."

Bucky tried for a smile. "How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you."

Then there was this look in Steve's eyes, this one that looked a little too much like goodbye. Is this what it was? What was Steve planning? Bucky glanced down at Steve's pocket, the one his hand was resting on. He knew what was in that pocket and of course Steve was bringing that damn compass. He could go back now. He had the time machine, so why wouldn't he go back to Peggy? And that was his plan all along. Go alone so no one could stop him and live the life he always wanted with Peggy. It was always Peggy.

There must have been a flash of realization on his face because Steve pulled him into a hug. Bucky held onto him a little too tight. But if he was never going to get a chance to tell him how he felt, he was going to hold onto this moment. "Gonna miss you, buddy," he said, trying to sound like his world wasn't crumbling around him.

"It's gonna be okay, Buck." Maybe it would be okay for him, but Bucky didn't know what he was going to do without Steve. He just got him back too. Everything was about to be okay, and now Steve is leaving Bucky for good this time.

And then Steve was on that time machine, picking up Mjolnir and giving Bucky a sad smile. Bucky just looked away.

"How long is this going to take?" Sam asked.

"For him? As long as he needs. For us? Five seconds." Bruce turned back to Steve. "Ready, Cap?" Steve nodded, wanting to get Bucky's attention before he left. But Bucky wouldn't lift his eyes from the grass. "Alright. We'll meet you back here, okay?"

He could hear the lie in Steve's voice when he answered, "You bet."

"Going quantum. Three, two, one..."

And Steve was gone. Bucky closed his eyes, letting out the breath he'd been holding to keep his composure. Is this how Steve felt when he went off to war? Is this aching emptiness in his stomach what it was like for Steve to watch him get snapped out of existence five years before?

If so, how could he just leave?

"And returning in five, four, three, two, one."

Sam stepped closer to Bruce. "Where is he?"

"I don't know. He blew right past his time stamp. He should be here."

Bucky turned away from their panic. He didn't have the heart to tell them that Steve wouldn't be coming back. He'd left them for a girl, and now it was just them.

"Well, get him back."

"I'm trying."

Bucky saw something down by the lake that he took Steve to on one of his visits to Wakanda. Shuri had shown him the lake one afternoon after his deprogramming when he talked about how he missed jumping into the water at Coney Island after a long, hot week of working at the docks. The memories from his old life had started returning by then, and all he could think about was that skinny punk who never seemed to relax until Bucky made him. And Coney Island was one of their favorite places to go on weekends. Steve loved to draw the coasters on the beach, Bucky loved the ocean, and if they could afford the tickets, the park was a great way to destress. The next day, Shuri took him to swim at the lake. He spent a lot of time swimming there, and he brought Steve on his next visit.

But no one was usually at the lake. And everyone was with their families now that so many had been returned. Why would anyone be here when they should be celebrating?

"Get him the hell back."

"Hey," Bruce said, raising his voice in frustration, "I said, I'm trying!"

Bucky saw the figure turn his head, and his breath caught in his throat. "Sam," he whispered.

Sam turned to see what Bucky was staring at. When he understood, he touched Bucky's arm. "Go ahead. Go see him."

Walking to that bench by the lake took everything out of Bucky. He was so confused. "Stevie?"

Steve looked up at Bucky with a strange expression. It seemed like some time had passed for him. Not in that he looked older, other than those five years that Bucky hadn't gotten used to quite yet; he just looked tired. It was like a difficult week had finally caught up with him. Or maybe it was the five years. Or maybe some other period of time Bucky didn't know about. "Hey, Buck."

* * *

_Maybe this time._

* * *

"Why are you over here?" That distant look made Bucky ask an even scarier question. "How long has it been?"

"About a week, I think. It was all pretty quick work. Schmidt, yeah the one from the war whose skin melted off, he is in charge of the soul stone. I argued with him for almost a full day so I could bring Nat back." He laughed. "He kept saying that it was a soul for a soul until I told him that I was returning his soul so I needed Natasha's again."

"And?"

"You can see her when Clint is finished giving her a piece of his mind."

Oh thank God, Bucky thought. Maybe he wouldn't be losing anyone after all.

"Why didn't you just come back through the time machine?"

"I wanted some time alone, and this felt like a good place to think."

Bucky sat down on the bench. Steve didn't move over, so it was hard for Bucky to ignore how close they were. "What happened, Steve?"

"I went back. A few weeks after the crash. I saw Peggy again, and everything made sense. I knew where I was supposed to be, Bucky. I just... I just needed to say goodbye. Properly."

Bucky couldn't look at him. That's all this was. Another goodbye. "I knew you were going back to her. You didn't have to come back to tell me that." It only made it harder to let him go.

Steve nudged Bucky's arm. "Buck, look at me." When he did, he could see Steve holding something for him. His compass.

"I've seen that. You don't have to give it to me."

"Take it," Steve insisted.

He did, then he ran his thumb over the metal. Somehow, it felt colder than his own metal arm. "You were always hers, weren't you?"

"No, I wasn't. Not always. And not now."

Bucky froze. "What?"

Steve looked out at the water. "I expected to feel like that twenty-year-old again that fell for her when I saw her again, but I didn't. I saw her and knew that I was there to say goodbye. To Peggy. For her, I was gone like you and Sam were five years ago. But she didn't get me back, not until seventy years later. I needed to make things right with her and go back to where I belong." He let out a sigh. "I told her what happened to me, what will happen to me in her future. And I told her that I had to stay in the ice. She couldn't come find me because I had people here who need me."

"I'm sure Peggy Carter just agreed to that."

He finally looked back at Bucky and gave him a genuine, soft smile. "No, she didn't. But after some explanation and telling her about you, she finally agreed that moving on was the best thing for both of us."

Bucky opened the compass that was still in the palm of his hand. It was empty. It was just a compass. "Moving on, huh?"

"I think it's about time." Steve smiled wistfully at his folded hands in his lap. "You know, she did ask me why I stayed with the plane, why I didn't just jump before it crashed."

"Did you tell her you're an idiot?"

"No, I told her that I made a promise to someone a long time ago. We promised to stay together, and I couldn't imagine going to the rest of my line without him." Bucky didn't have the words to ask what he meant by that. Steve took the compass from him and looked at it for a moment, his brows knitted in thought. Then he snapped out of it and set the compass down and took Bucky's hand. Those powder blue eyes were looking straight into Bucky's, and he couldn't move. "After I lost you on that train, I couldn't think straight. It was like nothing else mattered. Not Peggy, not the war, not my own life. Because you were gone. Between dying and living the rest of my life without you, dying seemed like the better option. Then, I was back, and I had to live without you. I had to live in this new world with new wars to fight and aliens who wanted us all dead and new technology that I knew you would just love. I had to make breakfast for just me in the mornings and I went to museums just to see you smile again in their pictures. I filled sketchbooks with every memory I had, just so I would never forget you. And then you were back, but you didn't remember me, and it was like losing you all over again. And just when I thought I had you back in my life, Thanos came and took you from me again. I don't know how I thought I could just go back without you. And I hate that you believed I would."

"What are you saying, Steve?"

He squeezed Bucky's hand, probably a bit harder than he meant to. "I'm saying that I'm not Peggy's. Buck, I'm yours. I always have been, and I always will be. And I just want to know if you feel the same way."

"Stevie, I've been yours since the moment I laid eyes on you. Always hoped you would want to go steady someday."

That got a laugh out of him. "I don't think you can say 'go steady' anymore."

"Doll, if we want to go steady, we can go steady. I don't care what decade it is."

Steve smiled, rubbing his thumb over the back of Bucky's hand. He was about to say something, but Sam interrupted him. "I hope we gave you two love birds enough time over here. T'Challa just called and asked you to come back to Shuri's lab to take a look at some prototype shields later today."

He looked over at Bucky, lost in thought. "No, I don't think I will."

Bucky frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Bucky, I'm done fighting."

"But there will always be another fight. The world will always need Captain America."

Steve nodded. "And they'll have him. They'll have you, Sam."

Sam shook his head. "Ah, Steve, I can't."

"You can. The world is different now; it's changed since Thanos and it's changing again. And if there's anyone who can help the world adapt, it's you. If you can help Captain America when he needed it the most, I can only imagine all the good you'll do as Captain America."

"I... don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. But you probably should get yourself a shield."

"Thank you. I'll do my best."

"I know you will... Cap."

Sam smiled at that. "So what will you do now?"

Steve looked at Bucky. "I think it's time Bucky and I try some of that life Tony was telling me to get."

Sam looked down at their intertwined hands. "That sounds like a great idea. I'll leave you guys to it."

* * *

_What am I even trippin' for? Everything's gonna work out exactly the way it's supposed to._

* * *

"I guess that is the question, Steve. What are we going to do now?"

"Whatever we want to do. We can be whoever we want to be. Go wherever we want to go."

Bucky lifted their hands, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Steve's. "As long as I'm with you, none of that matters."

Steve didn't seem content with that simple act of affection. He brought his hand to Bucky's cheek and leaned closer. "And I'm not letting you go again. You're stuck with me."

"Till the end of the line?" Bucky asked, already leaning in.

His lips brushed against Bucky's. "Even longer."

And then Bucky kissed him with a sense of urgency. It was every reunion and ninety years of mutual pining and the general thrill of kissing someone for the first time all wrapped up into one moment. Bucky's metal hand cupped Steve's cheek, then found its way into the hair at the nape of his neck. And Steve didn't know if that chill was from the cool metal or just _Bucky. _But he was breathless after a few moments. And those blue eyes that he looked into when they broke apart were not helping him catch his breath.

Nothing else mattered in that moment but Bucky Barnes. Maybe that's why Steve could finally tell him the words he'd been fighting down since he was sixteen.

* * *

_I love you 3000._


End file.
